Not by a bear. I’ve been doing a good job of barking my head off when Mom goes out to do her daily berry-picking, and it’s been working just fine.
No, Mom was attacked by something far more nefarious, dangerous and bizarre. Something that comes straight from God – the Jehovah Witnesses:
Jehovah Witnesses know they’re the right religion and the nice lady tried to convince Mom. She didn’t get too far. The nice lady (who reeked of old Ralph Lauren perfume) started off by asking Mom if she doesn’t worry what’s going to come of the world. Mom told her that we are Lutherans and we leave that up to God. Then the perfume lady told Mom she could tell her what was going to happen and opened her Bible.
Mom noticed she opened it to the book of Daniel and asked her why. Then Mom went on a tirade of how Daniel was written in coded language (just like Revelation) for a select few persecuted people so they could communicate without retribution, yada, yada, yada. Perfume lady says she knows what the Bible says. Mom asks her if she’s fluent in ancient Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. Mom goes on about how God didn’t drop the Bible from the sky, etc. etc, etc.
Perfume lady tries to make some inroad by mentioning how Martin Luther nailed the 95 theses to the door because the Catholic church is so terribly wrong with their theology. Mom rolls her eyes and says “No, that’s not why. Do you want to know why?”
Perfume lady looks confused and asks if she can leave some literature. Mom says “Sure, if it makes you feel better”.
Mom turns to the garage to get the lawnmower. Here’s the last thing the Witnesses see as they’re turning their car around:
Mom sure has a way with clothes.
Anyway, our piano recital is this Sunday. Mom’s been busy trying to pick up and clean the house so people don’t see how we really live. Hey, if you’re not doing anything, come by on Sunday at 1:00 to listen to her students!
I love you!